It’s keeper time and I’ve submitted my list for what may very well be my weakest team this season.   The Fighting Sea Monkeys are in a 12 team, AL only, 5X5 league with a very interesting rule that has hamstrung me, emphasis on the hamstring, with a $37 Vernon Wells.  In this league any player signed to an extended contract can only be released by eating half of that player’s remaining contract.   I liked this rule up until the time when it came up and bit me where the beer and pizza gathers.

Vernon Wells took the Monkeys on a .303/.357/.542  joyride in ‘06, complete with 32 HRs, 106 RBIs and 17 steals;  a performance that helped propel the Monkeys to a finish in the money in our first year in this league.  Flush with success it was time to lock up the franchise and I spent like….well….a drunken Monkey.  Yep, three more years of V. Wells ultimately cresting at the ‘09 bargain price of $37.

2007 saw Vernon Wells perform more like Dawn Wells and his .245/.304/.402 line sunk the Monkeys below the MaryAnna Trench.  Last year brought a performance rebound of sorts but also a new development; he became delicate.  He breaks a wrist, comes back and then pulls a hamstring.   Fall down a well, eyes go crossed.  Get kicked by a mule, eyes go back.  I dunno.

So now my guy comes into ‘09 healthy and is looking strong in spring training when….SPROING…..pop goes the hamstring.  Yep, the same one as last year.  He’s back and playing again now but the early signs point to a season that will require generous doses of brown liquor.

So now when you see my keeper list, you’ll know.  Here’s what I have going into the season:

Keepers 1

So I’ve got $140 to spend going into the draft which may be enough to help me plug the gaping holes in my team.  I need to land an ace starter, a banger at one of the corners and then I need to cobble together some speed.  Lackey, CC, Halladay, and Beckett are all in the draft pool, but with league inflation, they’re going to cost at least $30.  The corners are an even bigger problem with only Miguel Cabrera and Teixeira available as elite options at 1B and only ARod and his hip at 3B.  I’m guessing that I’ll have to go over $40 to get Tex, (and I will) and I really need to get one of the four remaining aces.

I’m feeling good about my closer situation as both guys looked good when they got their chances at the end of last year.  Devine will be pushed by Ziegler in Oakland, but he profiles much better for the job and he put up absolutely obscene numbers last year.  In 45+ innings in Oakland he recorded an ERA of 0.59 and a 0.83 WHIP.  Toss in a K/9 of 9.66 and a K/BB of 3.3 and you’ve got the guy that Ziegler will be setting up.  Francisco put up a respectable ERA of 3.13 with a 1.15 WHIP and he had an eye-popping K/9 of 11.8 and a K/BB of 3.2.

Granderson at $10 helps to absorb the Wells effect and if  Travis Snider can stay up all year and if Verlander can somehow become reaquainted with the plate, the Monkeys could be swinging from a level branch going into the draft.

On the downside, Duran was sent down and although he was just a placeholder, I now have clogged artery in my lineup for the draft.  And I’m not sure what my blood alchohol content was when I kept Gavin Floyd because I’m not sold on his success last year.   Don’t get me wrong, the 17 wins were sweet last year as was the surprise ERA under 4, but his peripherals weren’t all that impressive and many of the 30, yes 30 bombs that Floyd served up landed on the dark side of the moon.

I’ve got an NL only keeper list due tomorrow and that task will be a pleasure as I’ve got more low cost studs than the cast of Supernatural.  Sorry, that comparison is the wife’s idea, but it’s Saturday night and she’s into the Cosmos so I’m rolling with it.

I know that was lame but I’m a guy and I have a hard time expressing my feelings.  What I would really like to say is that it’s spring training and  I’m more excited than when Busty Models comes on Showtime right after my wife has fallen asleep.  But that would be wrong.  And then she’d just start setting the sleep timer.  Yes…Glove is in the air.

So it’s the best time of the year.  Keeper lists are coming due.  And the dicey art of  juggling draft dates for those of us that are in waaayyy too many leagues.  I only play in AL or NL only leagues.  Mixed league (yeah I know, they’re all mixed) just don’t do it for me because everybody has a loaded lineup, there are always good guys on the waiver wire that can make up for a bad pick and it usually comes down to who has guys break down and who gets lucky.  I like looking for the hidden gems out there.  The guys that are going to make the difference in a 12 team AL  (or NL) only leagues.  Most of these guys would never make a mixed team roster, but it is really sweet when you pick up a guy and he goes on a tear.

I don’t usually pay for catchers.  I’ve heard all of the position scarcity theories out there but I still won’t pay.  I know that there are studs there, but the Martins and McCanns and even the Sotos go for crazy money in my leagues and those are the guys that get blasted in home plate collsions and have most parts of their bodies pelted by foul tips.  I mean Chris Snyder was out with a testicular fracture last year.  That’s disturbing.  Just how does one rehab a fractured testicle?  Is there a cast involved?  I think I’ll put my money on nads that are at least 90 feet away from that type of  danger.  I’d rather get these guys during the end game.  Last year I got lucky with a $3 Chris Iannetta and with a not so lucky Chris Snyder also at $3. 

Iannetta was a minor league stud who played decently in his first taste of the bigs in ‘06 but then went down in flames in his first significant run with the Rockies in ‘07.  Catchers normally take quite some time to develop and this guy came into last year with more experience and in a no pressure backup role on a pennant winning team.  And he was still only 25.  For a $3 catcher you gotta love .264/.390/.505 for the year.  Throw in 18 bombs from the catcher spot and you just found a surprise $20 bill in an old coat you haven’t worn since last winter. 

Closers are also found in those high priced mall stores where I dare not tread.   I’m going to go with a Joey Devine/Frank Franciso tandem in one league this year.  Will Devine emerge in Oakland and will Francisco hang on in Texas?  I like their chances but I’ve only got $16 tied up between both of them.  If they spit the bit, I should have some spare offensive parts bought with my mall money to trade for whatever surprise closer emerges during the course of the season.   I mean who is going to be the guy in Seattle?  Will Fuentes hold onto the job in Anaheim (not with my money).  Sherril until Ray?  Who is going to close in Tampa? Detroit? Arizona?  Do you fell lucky…punk?

In preparing for the draft one of the things that I key on are my player blindspots.  These are guys that I know I should stay away from but just can’t.  They’re like that last tequila shot…even though the seven synapses still firing in my brain  tell me to stay away, my roto beer googles tell me what the hell.  It’ll be fun.  I’m submitting freeze lists this weekend and here are the guys that I don’t want to drunk dial onto my roster:

Brett Myers…….I’ve had him as a keeper for three years now.  His peripherals are attractive:  7.7K/9 and a 2.5 K/BB ratio.  He pitches for the World Champs with a stacked lineup, and he has Madson and Lidge.  But he still manages to go 10-13, earns a trip to the minors and gets taken to the woodshed for 29 swats,while putting up a 4.55 ERA and 1.38 WHIP.  He is good enough to keep me watching but he’ll probably go between $15-$20.  I can’t spend it, and I can’t not spend it. 

Gavin Floyd…….I’ve got him for $1.  Another big time pitching prospect that  made the big club and promptly got bombed back to the stone age.  I got him with my last dollar and then watched in contented disbelief as he cruised through the league with 17 wins and a 3.84 ERA.  Every start  had me holding my breath and waiting for the inevitable hideous meltdown.  It was like watching Sanjaya on American Idol, only I was actually rooting for Floyd.  But Floyd never faltered and he has the roto mags believing he can do it again.

I decided to keep him because he’ a buck, but to be honest I’m not going to be surprised to see him get bitch slapped back to the minors this year.  He’s homer prone, had an artificially low .261 BABIP last year and when those line shots aren’t right at a glove, the shine could come off of this apple.

Finally…Rickie Weeks….I’ve had Rickie Weeks on one of my teams since he came up to the big club.  Always on the verge of being a devastating speed/power middle infielder, but never quite getting there.  Weeks is the ultimate tease and while he’s no longer suicidally inept at second, I’m just not that into him anymore.  19 steals….wahooo….. .234 BA …not so pretty.  So this year I’m going to let Rickie go and I’m going to move on with my life.  Yes it will be hard to see Rickie out with another owner and there will be times when he really looks good and I’ll wonder what could have been.   But he’s not going to hurt me any more; I have too much self respect.  And I don’t need a stud 2B to be happy.

Anyway I’ve got to get back to MLB TV.   It’s like a free all you can eat buffet and I’m going to eat till I puke.  Hell I almost forgot about the NCAA Tournament Show.  What’s happening to me?????