The wins category sucks.  You can’t really draft for them.  You can’t count on them.  You just watch as your ace gets no run support or a gem gets wasted as the bullpen spits up the lead.  And the tuna fish to this peanut butter sandwich is watching other pitchers earn wins while being bitch slapped around like…..well….er…..little bitches. 

Exhibit 1 is Dan Haren.  Haren has started three time this year and three time he has delivered a gem.   In 19 IP this season, Haren has put up an ERA of 1.89 with a 0.79 WHIP.  In 19 IP he has struck out 17 while walking only 3.  Dominating, right?  Except for one thing….he’s 0-3.  Arizona’s offense has a serious case of projectile dysfunction and over Haren’s 3 starts, the DBacks have put up ONE…that’s right one lousy run.  Did I mention that I have Haren on both my NL only teams.  Did I mention how this makes me feel?  Betrayed.  Bewildered.  Bebitter.  Be bite me.

Now here’s the thing.  The Orioles have a guy by the name of Koji Uehara.  Uehara has 2 starts under his belt this season.   He has been, oh how should I say this?…..not dominant.  Koji has put up a stellar 7.20 ERA with a 1.70 WHIP.  Koji has mowed down 3 hitters over 10 innings while walking 5.  Koji is 2-0.   What?  Really?  The Orioles outscored their opponents 17-14 in Uehara’s two starts.  Oh.

Exhibit 2 is Kevin Millwood.  Now I’m by no means a Millwood believer, but he has a 14/4  K/BB ration so far with an ERA of 1.17 and a WHIP of 0.78.  Yesterday he pitched a complete game, giving up only 2 runs to the Royals.   He lost.  The outing before yesterday, Millwood pitched 7 shutout innings at Detroit with 6 strikeouts and 0 walks.  He lost.  The wins category sucks.

Next I give you Fausto Carmona, batting practice pitcher extraordinaire.  Yesterday he goes 6 innings and gives up 4 runs while allowing 10 baserunners and striking out 1.  His team scores two touchdowns against the Yankees in one inning on their way to putting up 22 runs.  He wins.  Carmona has an ERA of 7.88 with a WHIP of 1.75 and he’s walked 10 batters in 16 IP while striking out 8.  But he has more wins than Dan Haren.  Go figure.

I could go on and on.  I could cite Johan Santana stiking out 13 over 7 innings while walking just one and giving up just 2 unearned runs.  He gets the loss.  Erik Bedard gives up one earned run in six innings while striking out 8.  In a loss.  But then you witness my favorite incident:  Jensen Lewis pitches 1.2 innings giving up a pair of runs while allowing 4 hits, issuing 3 walks and giving up a homer.  So of course he gets the win.  Go figure.

Maybe it’s just me but if you can figure out this category then drop me a line and tell me how Lost is going to end.

Mopeds and Fat Chicks

These guys have been fun to own this year but I don’t want my friends to know that they’re on my team:

Marco Scutaro:  Scutaro is hitting .306 with 4 HRs and 10 RBIs.  Add 15, yes 15 runs and a 12/7 BB/K ratio and he looks like a certain first baseman playing in St. Louis.  Scutaro is on pace to hit 49 HRs with 186 runs and 124 RBIs.  He’s a career .261 hitter who has a career high of 9 HRs.  It’s been fun but ride him until the morning light turns him back into a girl whose attractiveness is directly proportional to your blood alcohol content. 

Emilio Bonifacio:  Bonifacio was insanely hot coming out of the gates this year and he’s currently hitting .347 with 4 SB and 12 runs scored.  Pretty sweet for a guy that probably went for $1 at the end of the draft and was probably on the waiver wire in mixed leagues.   But wait just a minute here, he has 13 strikeouts while walking just once in 49 ABs.  And he’s currently in a 1 for 16 slide with 9 Ks.  Cinderella your pumpkin awaits.  It is a really fast pumpkin though.

They’re Real and They’re Spectacular

Zack Greinke:  He’s pretty good.  Greinke currently has an ERA of 0.00.  Yep, he’s pitched a shutout for the season so far and he’s currently on a streak of 34 shutout innings going back to the 08 season.  He’s 3-0 this year, (well if you don’t let anybody score you’re bound to get a few wins), with 26 Ks against just 5 BBs in 20 innings with a 1.05 WHIP.   And he’s only 25, so no cankles on the horizon. 

Chad Billingsley:  The Buzzsaw (I download and I listen) is following up a pretty good 08 with an even better 09.  He’s 3-0 (those damn wins again) with a 2.84 ERA and a WHIP of 0.95 with 21 Ks against 7 walks in 19 innings.  Good park to pitch in and a pretty decent lineup behind him.  This guy is a stud.

Raul Ibanez:  Ok, so he’s not an elite talent but you have to love his consistency.  Like tequila, you’ll always have a good time with him in your lineup.  He’s hitting .375 with 4 HRs and 11 runs scored so far this season.  He even managed to steal a base while nobody was paying attention.  The thing is he’s now in a hitter’s ballpark after laboring at SAFECO where in spite of the canyons he still averaged 20+ HRs and 100+ RBIs with a .290ish BA.  More of the same is coming this year with a ballpark fueled uptick in the power numbers. 

Random Musings

Tim Lincecum owner’s are proclaiming “we never had a doubt” but only after an extreme nail makeover.  Lincecum struck out 13 Dbacks while pitching 8 shutout innings (you’d think that Dan Haren was on the mound for Arizona) and walking nary a soul.  Do you think  he got the win?  Nah.  Edwin Jackson has been pretty excellent so far this year.  He has a 2.14 ERA with a WHIP of 0.81 over 21 innings.  What?  Over the last two seasons Jackson has posted WHIPs of 1.76 and 1.51 so is he for real?  I’m not biting yet, but he’s still only 25 years old so I’m watching.  Brett Myers has given up 7 bombs in three starts and the Phillies are going to ask him to chip in some dough for seat repairs in the outfiled bleachers.  The Rangers have called up Derek Holland.  He struck out 167 batters over 150.2 innings while moving through 3 levels in the minors last year.  Oh, and with only 40 BBs.  Not bad for a 22 year old  He’s hit 99mph on the gun and he’s somebody to grab in keeper leagues.  Ian Snell has been seen pitching in Pittsburgh this year and he’s looking like the old Ian Snell.  Other than his first start, where he looked like Mr. Hydesnell and took a beating from the Cards, he’s been back to Dr. Jeckyllsnell.  Over his last two starts Jeckyllsnell has given up only 2 ER in 13 innings with 10Ks.  He’s still giving out free passes like they’re Marlins tickets but keep an eye on him.  Since he pitches for the Pirates I’m guessing nobody is noticing.

OK so the hangover is lifting and it’s time to go eat something that I can keep down.  The missus has put together a veritable cornucopia of cholesterol and polyunsaturated fats so I’m off to grab a balloon catheter and a beer.  Until the next rant……..

So we’re coming up to the end of week 1 and the Sea Monkeys are currently in……..drrrrruuuuummmmm rolllllll…..2nd place!  Yikes, didn’t see that one coming.  Sure it’s second place and the season is yet an embryo.  Sure it’s second place and the leader is waaayyyyy up there, 18.5 points ahead of me.  But we’re in the hunt.  Oh and the Marlins are 4-0.  Surely we’ll both continue through the year without the stench of reality bringing us down.  I know, stop calling me Shirley.

So who are the big tall dogs leading the charge?  Here are some notable Big Dog efforts for week 1:

Josh Beckett:  Beckett was just dominant against the Rays in his first start.  Seven innings, 2 hits, 1 ER.  Cruise control.  10 strikeouts and the win.  Another day at the office for a true front line stud.  The 3 walks are a bit of a nit, but it’s way early in the season and things will just get better. 

Gavin Floyd:  What?  Gavin Floyd?  Yep, he was pretty much lights out in his first start.  7IP, 2ER, 6 hits, no HRs.  Plus he struck out 9 over those 7 innings against just 2 walks.  And he had the Royals hitters pounding the ball into the ground.  8 gb outs vs 4 fly outs.   Floyd actually struck out 20 batters in 21 spring training innings so maybe he’s getting it?  Well it was the Royals, but they are a much better offensive team this year than you think.  Unfortunately for Gavin he was up against Zack Greinke and Greinke was even better.   Floyd gets the Tigers in Detroit next, so we’ll see if he’s real soon enough.

Dan Haren:  Haren was Haren in his opener.  7IP 1ER only 3 hits allowed.  Haren struck out 9 without giving up a single walk.  Fantasy stud.  His only mistake was a Tulowitzki blast; all that was needed for:

Ubaldo Jimenez:  7 shutout innings and 8Ks.  Jimenez pitched just well enough to beat Haren in a great early season pitcher’s duel.  His control was a little iffy; 3 walks in 7IP and on 60 of 107 pitches for strikes but there’s no arguing that he got the job done against a very tough offensive team.

Subject to Interpretation

Erik Bedard:  In spite of the fact that Bedard only went 5 innings and gave up 3 runs he was still in line for the win until Brandon Morrow went all in vitro by loading all previously barren bags with Twins.  Dr. Batista then obliged by sending all three runners home.  In spite of the outcome Bedard did strike out 8 without issuing a walk and that is a very promising line.

Koji Uehara:  Uehara held the mighty Yankee offense to a single run in 5 innings in his big league debut.  He looked sharp, giving up only 5 hits and a single walk.   But there are a couple of dark clouds here, mainly the complete lack of strikeouts…complete….like zero.  This coupled with extreme fly ball tendancies 3/12  GB/FB ratio would seem to indicated that there will be a paddling or two in Uehara’s future.

Burn Ward

Justin Verlander:  My boy Justin picked up were he left off last year, hemorrhaging extra base hits (4 2bs, 1 3b, 1HR) while in the process of getting his body hair singed off by the Blue Jays.  3.2IP, 8ER, 8H,2BBs, a line so ugly that my team ERA and WHIP will be bruised and nasty well into May.  Perhaps the Tigers can at least teach Verlander to stop, drop, and roll before his next start against Texas.   Safety first.

Brian Moehler:  Yikes.  1.2IP, 7ER, 8H.  Moehler looked like a softball pitcher afraid of kicking over his beer during the follow through.  Perhaps he was distracted by all of the projectiles that his opponent, NASA scientist Ted Lilly, had launched into orbit during the game.  Yep, in spite of giving up 4 bombs in 5IP, Lilly managed to last long enough to get the win.  Ah the sweetness of pitching while propped up by 10 runs of support.

Brandon Webb:  Brandon Webb here and Gavin Floyd with the big dogs.  Didn’t see that one coming.   I can’t say that Webb was outpitched by the equally putrid effort put forth by Aaron Cook, but what a surprise.  Webb is battling a sore shoulder and that combined with this being his  first outing of the season gets him a free pass on this one.  He’ll be just fine if the shoulder is something that calms down on it’s own.

Robbie Cano is out of the blocks and sizzling this year hitting at a .571 clip and check out Marco Scutaro, who may still be available even in AL only leagues.  He’s starting at SS and is off to a .409 start with 2 bombs.  Will he keep this up?…nah.  But he should be servicable this year and may make an excellent sell high candidate.

So we’re off and running in this 09 fantasy season.  I’d be remiss in not mentioning that I succumbed to my Brett Myers weakness.  As I’m on my way home from the draft I find the MLB season opener on the radio.  Brett is on the hill versus the power starved Atlanta Braves.  I tune in just as Brett serves up his third bomb of the game.  It’s the second inning by the way.   Did I mention that the Braves are power starved? 

There is a good possibility that Verlander and Myers will eventually reduce me to a babbling heap of beer stained khaki.  Not that I need their help or anything.

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